A couple years ago Darin and I watched the movie Fireproof. It was just tolerable, but my Mom gave us the book "Love Dare" (based on the movie) and it was excellent. It basically gives the reader 40 days through a journey using one new idea each day that will strengthen the bond between a couple. In the movie only the husband was trying these "dares" and his heart changed and pulled him more into the love he once felt for his spouse and it literally SAVED their marriage because his heart changed. Just recently I decided that I should start this same process using the book without Darin even knowing it. Day 1 - PATIENCE; Do not say 1 negative thing to your spouse. Oops! I slipped just 10 minutes into Darin arriving home and had to start over to feel better about it. The next day I managed to accomplish this!
Day 2 - KINDNESS; In addition to saying nothing negative on day 2, I also tried to do one act of kindness. I made a nice dinner of Salmon, mashed potatoes, and green beans.(as it's been a while since I've made a very nice meal.) I tried to say kind things and positive things and it felt great! I remember Carleen Tanner saying that we should never feel like saying, "I am falling out of love with my spouse." You never hear someone say, "I just fell out of kindness with him." No, we just stopped being KIND. Same is true with LOVE. We stop doing "loving" things, but we do NOT fall out of love.
Day 3 - UNSELFISH - Whatever you put your time energy and money into with be most important to you. Buy something just for your spouse that says you were thinking of them today. I bought the DVD Avatar because I knew Darin would want to have it and he was excited I got it for him on the day it was released.
Day 4 - THOUGHTFUL - Call or write your spouse to say see how they are doing and if you can help them with anything. I realized that we used to do this constantly when we were new in love. Darin was always at the foremost of my thoughts and I acted on that by checking on him all the time. Now I often put the children first. I text him to see if he needed help during this stressful week and he said "can't think of anything, thanks".
Day 5 - No RUDENESS - Genuine love minds it's manners! I asked Darin tonight if he could tell me a couple things that I do that make him irritated or uncomfortable. He said, "Well, funny you should ask because I have a running list here in my pocket." I slapped him of course, but appreciated his sense of humor. He said that my "always taking up the whole king sized bed" was the main irritation. TRUE! But does it really bug him? And is that all he could think of? Yikes - I better get a bigger bed if that's what it takes. :)
7 comments:
sounds awesome!
Robert and I watch the movie and bought the book and never did anything after that. We really need to pull that out and do it!
I love this and am looking forward to your reports. I really need to do something like this. We watched the movie too and tolerated it the best we could. I would love to get the book if it is better. After almost 10 years of marriage for us, I've realized that more effort needs to be put into it. Especially when little people and life gets in the way.
What a wonderful experiment! I want to do it too! It sounds like joy - bringing more joy to both of you! This programs seems like something that would really help someone become more of the person that they would really want to be. Why do we do things to ourselves that don't make us happy or others? Nice to focus on becoming a more positive person and radiating that love more to your eternal sweetheart! I think you and Darin are already wonderful at this - so it is really neat to see the difference it can have on an already wonderful person like you Kyla. It inspires me to try it too. Thanks you so much for sharing! So on the positive part - it is not saying ANYTHING negative at all - about them or anything else - right? This is something I would really like to do for my children as well. To never say anything negative to them or around them. It really can pull down the feeling in your home fast when we start getting negative. I was with my brother in law a few weeks ago and we were all in a conversation and I was really impressed that just when the conversation was going to turn negative, he stopped us and make a vocal decision to not go there and helped us all focus on the good. It was great! Have fun on your dare!
Very good idea.I think I will try this dare too.Thanks for the idea Kyla
I'm glad so many wnat to try this dare. This Christian based book is really great and includes bible references. I guess doing this without Darin knowing it is making it more fun. I hope he notices a change in my attitude and my heart and he just thinks I am great - little will he know I am getting all my help from a book. I also think I (and many women) can sometimes be the more resentful and negative in a marriage because we want things to be JUST RIGHT! Well, it's taken 14 years, but I am certainly not perfect and I see I am at a point I need a fresh start and something to push me to be better. It can only improve the family right? Thanks for all the encouragement to you 5 women who I really look up to. You are GREAT friends!
Kyla! You get wife of the year award! What a sweet and awesome idea! Can't wait to read the updates on how it is going.
Seriously, I don't think you need that much help...you are an awesome wife and mother!
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